A Moment for Self-Reflection

It is okay to not have answers all of the time. Yesterday, I sat at a meeting and came to this conclusion. I am a part of a group of girls, and the underlying purpose of the group is to uplift each other and come together as a circle of sisters. We were talking about stereotypes that exist about black girls, and we really reflected on the negative universal stereotypes that surround our being as black girls in America.

We finally reached the subject of our plans for after college. Of course, I thought that it would be an easy question. However, I was the second to last person to answer, and when it was my time to speak, I did not know. I don’t even know now, as I reflect for the second time on this topic.

Over the past months, I’ve been thinking about both getting a new part-time job now while I’m still in college and also about what I want to do after college.

I love my study and career (although I first had the get my GED), and I love what I do now to make a living. I have had plenty of interviews but haven’t had just the perfect opportunity come along yet. It’s a tiring, exhausting, and mentally draining process The point is that I am okay with not being sure, and here is why.

While stressing myself out over the past semester to strive to be the best in every area of my academic career; I am exhausted. I am not sure that I could ever do that in a professional arena. I have reached the conclusion that it is not bad or wrong that I am not absolutely sure where I will be two years from now. I’m in my senior year and I’m still not exactly sure what will make me happy a couple of years from now. That is okay.

We are taught to have these very specific ambitions and intentions for our lives, and while that is great, not all of us can stay in a straight line forever. I am not even sure that I want to. I’ve read a lot and learned a lot within this past year. I think that I am going to let my passion and interests guide my future. I’ll stop complaining about my job and I have plenty of time to decide on the path that I want to take, but dreams and goals are not something that should be stressful.

This simple question has caused me to reflect on my life mainly because I’ve always said that I want to be a lawyer; mostly because they make a lot of money. However, since I first implanted that into my daily way of thinking and living, I have constantly stressed over that thought. I’ve been to quite a few career expos, I’ve listened to countless Ted talks, and I have reached this state of mind that tells me that I am not sure what persona I want to take on, professionally. After all, how could I be mad at that? I think it is important to have some space to question, reflect, and see tremendous growth.

Maybe in a few weeks, months, or years, I will be able to tell you where I want to be. For now, I think I’ll be starting running in the morning and I will continue to ponder and sift through that very uncertainty.
Much Love.